I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
