I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
Randomize
