Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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