I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
