Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
He? As in you personified your dick?
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Randomize
