I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
