apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
Randomize
