wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
