nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
