I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
