My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
Randomize
