I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
He? As in you personified your dick?
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
His nipple licking is glorious
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