1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
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