I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
