Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
