I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
