shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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