Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
HIV tests are more positive than that guy
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
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