I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
