Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Randomize
