literally had 100 drinks last night.
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
