I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
Pappa wants mamma naked
I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Randomize
