ya dads aren't the best wingmen
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Randomize
