Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
My hand turned me down
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
Randomize
