When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
