he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
