I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
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