Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
