it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
me + whiskey = a bad person
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
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