You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
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