he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Randomize
