So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
