i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
