he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
