you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
it's like heaven, but drunker
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Randomize
