I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
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