The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize
