Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
cat food counts as protein by the way
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Randomize
