he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
