remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
