there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
