I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
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