About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
I have surprise drugs for everyone
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
my poor anus
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
Randomize
