frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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