Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
