I think i peed on brittanys purse
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
I booty called her while she was in labor.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Randomize
