never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Randomize
