i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Randomize
