EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
