i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
Randomize
