You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
it's like heaven, but drunker
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
