btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
did i walk over a car last night?
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
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