Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
