I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
