You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Randomize
